


Being Idle and Hating It

by dancingdragon3



Series: The Gang's All Here [2]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 11:47:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13658358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancingdragon3/pseuds/dancingdragon3
Summary: Twelve, Missy, Vastra, and Jenny are attending a winter sporting event. They get in trouble when their boat breaks down. Frustration and snarking ensues.Written forwho_contest“Traffic” andpuzzlepromptsFebruary 2018





	Being Idle and Hating It

They were stuck in an aquatic traffic jam of their own making, and Missy couldn’t be more embarrassed than if it were the TARDIS’ helm she had charge of. The interior of their boat stank of two Time Lords, one reptile, and a human confined together for too many hours. Missy watched as the lake surrounding them ruffled under a gentle breeze. She inhaled deeply, imagining the brisk, clean air only centimeters away. Unfortunately, the retractable section of the roof had malfunctioned along with the engine, so all she got for her effort was the sour odor of sweat and crisps. 

Grimacing, she tried keying a new command into the computer but the power to the entire console kept flickering, keeping the computer stuck in a reboot sequence. She rubbed a hand over her face, massaging her temples. 

“Perhaps, if you jiggle the throttle -” 

She slapped the Doctor’s hand away from the console. “Be still and let me work this out.” 

“If you insist.” He gazed off to the side, casually reaching into his shirt’s breast pocket.

“ _Nooo_...” 

He sighed and didn’t pull out his ridiculous sonic glasses. 

She tried the emergency hard start button again...which popped off into her hand. Mouth dropping open, she stared at the blue knob in outrage, before whispering, “Oh, you fu -”

“At least the view’s lovely.” 

Missy rolled her eyes at the whelk’s constant chipperness. Never mind that her wife was bundled up in so many layers of leather and fur that the other attendees had been suspiciously staring in at them all day, as though they were poachers trying to make off with one of the local, sentient bears. Or at least they had been. Vastra began unpeeling like a furry onion when the temperature started to rise inside their boat-turned-oven. 

Completely encased in a transparent bubble, the vehicle doubled as their stands, giving them a clear view of the races both on and below the water’s surface, as well as the pale lavender sky above, and the steep, snow covered mountains that jaggedly loomed over the lake’s northern bank. 

They were attending the yearly games on Zema Maross, and having a marvelous time. The mountain events opened the games. Her favorite were the binozhka races. Native to the mountains, binozhka had thick shaggy coats, short curling horns, and could leap a hundred meters to land on two narrow, spring-like hooves. In racing, as in mating season, they used their long double tails to whip their opponents as they ran and jumped up and down the narrow, rocky ledges. Usually only about a third made it to the finish line. The animals were usually fine, but their riders... 

Cleaning up the dead and wounded took the rest of the day after each race. Positively thrilling. Naturally, the Doctor complained about barbaric blood sports and the whelk vomited once, but that Vastra turned out to be a bit of alright, whooping and cheering right beside Missy. 

This morning had been the start of the aquatic competitions - hence the boat, that Missy had assured the Doctor she was perfectly capable of operating, so yes, Egg could take Hair and Potato in a boat of their own. Please, and thank you ever so much. So now the most undeserving of them were probably at the docks already, while they were here, stalled, and holding up hundreds of other attendees.

In the distance, the other lines of traffic slowly floated to shore and the luxurious hotel they were all sleeping in. And eating in. And taking long hot baths in. Missy frowned at the identical clear globes, gliding along with barely any wake, all heading back in orderly lines, so unlike their own predicament. Many people behind them had grown impatient, so that now there were meandering streams closing around on either side of them.

One boat floated too close. Sparks flew on her side as their proximity grids collided. The other boat was trapped now too, pressed in by a mass all clumped together like soap bubbles filled with angry, impatient people. The passenger of the boat scraping her side gave her what she assumed was a rude gesture. Before she decided how to respond, the whelk started yelling obscenities and making gestures of her own. 

“Honestly, my dear, do you think that’s going to help?” 

“And his flipper flap will?” 

“I’m just worried about the local authorities having to be called.” 

“Too late for that then,” the Doctor said. 

Indeed, fast approaching them was an open, triangular shaped boat, much larger than any of the flimsy, rented bubbles surrounding them. It had what looked like cannons mounted on its hull. The flag of Zema Maross, the games flag, and another flew above it - the lake’s security force.

The Doctor put on his dark glasses and slumped down in his seat, arms crossed over his chest, looking for all the world like an old man fallen asleep. 

“What are you doing?” she hissed. 

“You wanted to be the captain,” he waved lazily. “Well, go on then.”

She reached to snatch up the glasses but got her hand smacked away. 

She watched the boat approach, gradually nudging bubbles to either side with the point of its much larger hull. Behind it, the red sun looked enormous as it set behind the mountains. Now in shadow, the water around them was as dark as the plums in the sticky pasties being served soon in the dining hall. 

“A cup of tea would be quite welcome.” 

Missy hunched her shoulders feeling the back of her neck heat up. “I told you not to do that,” she told the lump of fur in the back seat. 

“Oh, I am sorry. You must be distracted.” 

Missy ground her teeth together. “And I was just starting to not hate you,” she mentally projected. 

The lake guard arrived. On deck were four Marossians, each imposingly tall and slug-like with no legs, but with three long, muscular, finned arms covered in bright pink scales. They tapped into the boat’s systems, a voice coming over the comm telling her to shut down the engine and lower the top. 

“If I could, don’t do you think -” Missy cut herself off with a growl and reached down for her umbrella. The Doctor’s hand lay over top hers. 

“Maybe they can help get us sorted. Get the top open, at least,” the whelk said. 

“Whatever you do, don’t offer them beans on toast,” the Doctor whispered. 

Yanking her hand away, Missy scoffed at him. “You’re hilarious. Wouldn’t anyway,” she muttered, “They’re carnivores, idiot.” 

“Truly, they have the best shellfish here. Do try not to get us kicked off world?” 

An officer tapped the glass dome with a long, deadly looking hooked spear. 

“Talking, useless people, kindly shut up!” 

What followed was one of Missy’s most humiliating hours - allowing the local authorities to tow her ashore like some...common, helpless human person. Tired, hungry, smelly, and now shivering in the wintery night, the four trudged up the paved walkway that led from the docks to the hotel. 

The Doctor stopped short. “Come again? What was that? Bill? Bill?” 

Out of vile curiosity, Missy fished out her own ear piece. Some kind of squawking roar came over followed by one of Potato’s ridiculous threats. 

“Bill! Nordole? Can you hear me?!” 

The wives caught up, asking what was wrong. 

“I’ll tell you what’s right.” Missy brandished her umbrella at them. “Our assistants are in trouble and need me - _us_ to rescue them!” She turned and started tromping through the snow in the direction of the mountains.

“Missy...” The Doctor held up a glowing key. “We might have better luck locating them from inside the TARDIS?” 

“Well, don’t dawdle.” She poked his arm with her umbrella. “We’ve got people and or monsters to kill!” 

“ _Save_ , Missy. We have people to save,” the Doctor said as the TARDIS materialized around them. “And monsters to restrain.” 

“Yes, yes, saving. Restraining. It’s ever so much fun.” Missy rolled her eyes, but nevertheless, raced to the controls. The Doctor ran to the scanners. Only a moment later, coordinates appeared on her console. Excitement and purpose vibrated her bones. “Everyone strapped in? And we’re off!” She slammed the velocity lever forward, setting the engines thumping. The Doctor caught her eye. She knew her face reflected the same thrilled, slightly insane smile gracing his.


End file.
